LOVE is a basic human need! Let’s first start with the basic human need that we all have: a yearning for LOVE. Yes, the L word. We all want it, crave it, dream about it and simply can’t thrive for very long without that passionate desire to be loved and to love.
When real love is present in a union, not the illusion of love, it’s easy to treat one another with dignity rather than disrespect and disdain. When questioning whether someone truly loves you, reflect on God’s image of love, which is exercising patience, kindness, hope, not being rude, not boastful, not easily angered, not self-seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, and more importantly the aspect that real love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Anything other than God’s supreme description of love is an illusion and a non-truth.
Love is necessary for a completely fulfilled life. Not only is it biblical, but it is also noted as one of the basic human needs. In fact, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs defines it as being “vital and important.” Don’t minimize the necessity of having your basic needs met.
It is a real and God-given desire to love, be loved and belong, coupled with having healthy and appropriate affection. Because we so strongly desire love, we tend to stretch ourselves beyond our boundaries and become attached to someone in some form or fashion, even if it’s not in a healthy union.
The presence of love in a person’s life is a vibrant and wonderful addition. Life without it is dull, because love can be so fulfilling; however, I’d caution you to seek healthy love versus the unhealthy type. I challenge you to question whether the love you’re in (either a significant union or exclusive relationship) is the real thing or simply an illusion. What is the goal? To seek and see yourself having a healthy relationship that contributes to you being the best you can be rather than being in an unhealthy relationship that detracts from your life.
Here are some basic tips that will allow a quick, yet friendly assessment to decipher what you have — real love or the illusion of love.
Add: Ask yourself what this relationship adds to your life that you want, need and desire? If you aren’t entertaining a union that adds value to your life, you’re likely in an unhealthy relationship. Ultimately the goal should be for your union to add value to your life, help you to be the best you that God designed you to be, and so forth.
Subtract: Ask yourself, what does this union take away from me? Is it my productivity, my quality time with God, family fun, my friends, or my unique ability to walk in my purpose? No relationship should be your all, especially when it takes (subtracts) from you being the best design of you that you’re destined to be.
Multiply: We are to be fruitful and to multiply. It’s not opinion, it’s biblical. The power of unity in a relationship is magnificent when united with the right person. Two is better than one when done right, so multiplying is inevitable.
Divide: Ask yourself, does this relationship hinder me in my salvation, my dreams and make me choose between good and evil? We know that another person has the ability to help us grow closer to Christ or further away. If a relationship divides you from your solid, founded and core beliefs which are Christ-focused and good-intentioned, you’re likely being divided.
Overall, survey what you have, what you want and what God says it should be. Just as if you’re applying for a home, career position, business loan, scholarship, or higher education institution; look at the applicant (person of interest) when you meet him or her and before you enter into a relationship. Do some basic math and decide whether he or she will add, subtract, divide or multiply your life as a result of your union.
It’s just that simple! Math can be more than just numbers when applied to our relationship quality. Happy counting!
Want more information on this subject?
Contact Felicia who is a life coach and author of the soon-to-be-released book “Loving You Feels Right, But I Don’t Want To Be Wrong” (2014). www.queendreamz.com.
About Felicia Smith
Felicia Smith is an author of “J-O-B: Journey Over Broke, Transforming from the Employee to the Employer”, and Certified Workforce Coach. Felicia’s mission is to work to educate the public about their efforts of seeking work but more importantly their purpose in entrepreneurship. For more information, contact Felicia by visiting www.queendreamz.com.