Simplify Your Life with Estell Porter: The Black Man, From Chattel to Purposeful

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(Last Updated On: July 21, 2014)

Men you are essential to maintaining the African American culture. For without older seasoned, settled, committed men demonstrating these attributes to younger males, they will not learn how to be men. From a female’s perspective, there is a great difference between being male and being a male MAN. Someone who commits to the job, stays on the job, is accountable for the job, and provides for his family (mentally and physically). It is not expected that men be women, but that each fulfill their God-given roles.

Training starts young and continues throughout life. I understand that technology seems to cause young people to think that they know more than the more seasoned man. And in many cases because the young male was left to their own way, he may be resistant to a male’s input now.

A young man wants to be accepted and loved and if he does not feel that, he will find it from someone. Everyone wants to belong. You may not agree with the decisions that your son is making, but your parents may not have agreed with yours. So, why not accept what is and find common ground to build your relationship? Find out what he is interested in and get interested in it. Seek first to know and then to be known.

Men with daughters this is for you. The same is true for women. So, if you didn’t know it men, girls do not learn how to be women without you either. You are a vital part of your daughter successfully negotiating the male and female relationship. Many a rocky husband and wife relationship is the direct result of a rocky father and daughter relationship. Love your child enough to help her.

You should be her first date. Opening the door, pulling out her chair, paying the tab, including a very generous tip. Talk about things that interest her, including how boys think and what they will say and do. Telling her that she’s beautiful, smart, loved, accepted and that she can accomplish anything that she desires. And to do so does not prevent her from having a fantastic relationship with a husband. Tell her she can have both a wonderful career and a wonderful marriage.

Dad if your relationship with your daughter is rocky, that’s OK. Don’t focus on your past, but what you do today and forward. Start today making amends. Set aside some time and express your regrets, whatever they may be. Then plan your first activity for just you and her. But know that she might resist. Just don’t give up and don’t try to buy her. She wants to know that you are not just playing at this. You’ll both resent it in the end. If you have other daughters, each should have their personal time.

Have questions that you want answered? Leave a comment. I’ll get back with you.


About E Porter

Estell Porter is a mindset coach and shares her experiences and knowledge and hopes that others will grow and have a better life.  She can be reached at

Simplify Your Life with Estell Porter: The Black Man, From Chattel to Purposeful